Via James Shaheen at Tricycle blog --Vern Barnet, a Unitarian Universalist minister, writes a column for the Kansas City Star, and his most recent work fits nicely with my earlier post, "Wherever You Go, There You Are." In "Focusing on Our Relationships," the Rev. Barnet pulls together the Buddhist teaching of anatta and neuroscience, and concludes,
The Buddha's point was not to deny the conventional self, the model, but not to be deceived by it or enslaved to it.
Rather than a narcissistic and futile focus on self-esteem, we can put our attention on relationships. We can be freed of the trouble to prove we are worthy by acquiring wealth, power or prestige. Unfettered by the model's limits, in whatever circumstance we find ourselves, we can simply do the right thing.
Regarding the "narcissistic and futile focus on self-esteem" -- there is evidence that positive self-esteem has been oversold. The popular idea that high self-esteem makes us happier and better people doesn't stand up to vigorous scientific study. Some studies have shown that high self-esteem actually leads to poor school and job performance and less stable relationships.
In a Psychology Today article, Michael J. Formica writes,
In the Yoga tradition, there is a phrase that is often heard, "You are perfect just the way you are." The intention of this sentiment is that, by recognizing both our limits and abilities, we come to a deep and authentic understanding of ourselves, and that this 'self' to which we are so attached is both brilliant and flawed...but, it is, ultimately, both. That recognition and acknowledgment takes courage, but it is a necessary element in the evolution of our personal consciousness and authentic self, for as Buddha said, "Too pure water has no fish."
The funny thing about self-esteem is that it really only increases when one becomes better at accomplishing things. Otherwise, the worth one places on one’s self has no basis in reality. Telling people that they’re perfect just because they are sets them up for a big let down when things don’t work out. Therefore, positive psychology can have the opposite effect of its aim. It’s ironic, really.
“The Buddha’s point was not to deny the conventional self, the model, but not to be deceived by it or enslaved to it”.
Pitch-perfect middle way viewpoint that not only explains the dealing with ’self’ on a practical level but also indicates why it was necessary for the middle way viewpoint to be expressed in the first place.
The other ’self esteem’ stuff expressed is too muddy for any concise criticism.
“Too pure water has no fish.”
The Buddha said that? It makes sense to me but I have never heard this attributed. Where does it come from?
In the Yoga tradition, there is a phrase that is often heard, “You are perfect just the way you are.”
–In one of Pema Chodron’s talks she quotes (I believe) Susuki Roshi saying this very line to an audience, then adding “But you need work.” That about sums it up.
Thich Nhat Hanh encourages his students to avoid being caught in superiority complexes, or inferiority complexes, or equality complexes — all of which represent (as the word “complex” implies) a kind of congealing around a solid, fixed sense of self.
Moving the focus from our self to our various relationships (with humans, plants, minerals, animals, mountains) represents a step in the direction of realizing the emptiness/egolessness of self — seeing the self not so much as a solid entity but instead the activity of the skandhas. Which is the point at which “interconnectedness” language often becomes part of the picture.
The next step is to realize the emptiness/egolessness of dharmas — how the skandhas themselves are fluid and transparent.
That said, I’ve also come across many Buddhist loving-kindness & compassion practices whose first step is to generate feelings of loving-kindness and compassion toward ourselves — the idea being that unless we can wish these things for ourselves, and receive them, we won’t truly be able to wish them for others, or understand how others benefit from our loving-kindness and compassion. So in the context of this sort of practice, a kind of self-love seems really appropriate — as a starting point, and with an understanding that we use the positive energy and momentum generated to benefit all (ultimately illusory) living beings.
Hi Barbara,
I would like to know the context of Buddha telling “Too pure water has no fish.” I am hearing it for the first time…Please do not quote his teachings without explaining the context as many times it will get misinterpreted.