As I mentioned in a recent post, I've been reading Zen teacher Grace Schireson's book Zen Women: Beyond Tea Ladies, Iron Maidens and Macho Masters. Here Grace Schireson discusses Zen convents and how they adapted Zen training practices for the specific abilities and cultural circumstances of women:
Studying the process of adaptation -- maintaining the intent of practice while appropriately varying the form -- can be useful for Western practitioners. For example, while most meditators face the wall or the floor in front of them, at times the nuns of Tokeiji temple practiced meditation in front of a mirror, a practice especially suitable for deconstructing a woman's attachment to her physical self-image, whether positive or negative. Addressing some of our culturally specific more stubborn Western delusions through adaptation is currently underway in the West. These adaptations, versus a rigid imitation of our Asian teachers, are an important component of our developing Western Zen practice. Studying women's adaptations may assist us in completing the transplantation of Zen to the West.
Let's discuss --
(First, a historical note: Tokeiji was more than just a convent. From the 13th to the 19th centuries it functioned as a shelter for abused women. The temple even hired bodyguards to protect the women from vengeful husbands. It was established and managed by women from high-ranking families, which gave it some protection. The temple offered a means for divorce during a time when women had few legal rights. A woman could live there as a nun for two or three years and then leave with documents from Tokeiji certifying that she was unmarried.)
There were several things about this passage that struck me. First, I had never heard of meditating in front of a mirror before, but I can see how that would be a powerful practice.
Second -- as I said in the earlier post, Japanese Zen hasn't exported nuns to the U.S. yet. Here, men and women receive the same ordination and undertake the same monastic training. It seems to work, but I am a lay student with no personal experience with the monastic life.
Years ago, there was a common complaint about Zen centers that they were way too macho, too much like samurai boot camp. I haven't heard that one lately, but years ago nearly all Zen teachers in the West were men, and now I'm guessing about half of the current generation of teachers are women. Things do change, don't they?
It's also the case that men and women have different cultural issues. I once attended a sesshin in which a young man in residence at the monastery was given the job of handing out caretaking assignments. So on the first day he gave a group of us a speech about how he had come to appreciate that cooking and cleaning were important and need to be done well, and he hoped we would come to appreciate those things as much as he did and take responsibility for them.
And I looked at the crew standing around staring at him, silently, and we were all middle-aged women. Which means we had all spent a vastly disproportionate part of our lives being responsible for the cooking and cleaning already. And from the looks on many faces, being lectured about cooking and cleaning by some 20-something male was, um, pushing some buttons. Because of our gender role assignments, we had an entirely different relationship with household chores than he did. It might have been helpful if that difference had been recognized and acknowledged.
Which takes us to a to a third issue, which is what the experiences of Zen nuns might tell us about adapting Zen to the West. Just as men and women have different cultural issues, those of us who are products of a Western upbringing have some cultural issues that are different from Eastern cultural issues. As Grace Schireson says, "addressing some of our culturally specific more stubborn Western delusions" is going to take some adaptation. And, as she also says, those adaptations already are underway.
Always when we try to discuss "westernizing" Buddhism, someone will try to turn the issue into a simple dichotomy between slavishly following traditional Asian forms versus chucking the whole business out and starting over. The problem with making changes to the tradition is that the changes need to be made by people of spiritual maturity who've seen through most of those stubborn Western delusions. Otherwise we'll end up with a practice that just reinforces those Western delusions, because that's what will "make sense" and "feel right" to us.
Grace Schireson writes that in Japan, Zen convent life tended to encourage the nuns to be more independent and assertive, whereas monastic life tended to develop humility and deference in monks. Of course, I've also seen over the years that people practicing together will lose their sharp edges, so to speak. But a close look at how the nuns' Zen differed from the monks' Zen could give us some insight into adapting Zen, and perhaps other Buddhist traditions, to the West.
I’ve always felt that cooking and cleaning etc. as a spiritual practice is a con designed to get people to do it. It’s a hassle, but needs to be done, so be it. Of course, for me the opportunity to serve a Lama is a pleasant privilege. I recently carried luggage for Chetsang Rinpoche. What a treat! On a recent spring retreat I cleaned up after lunches. No problem, but truthfully I didn’t view it as a spiritual practice. Regarding meditating in front of a mirror: If this works for the nuns I am only glad. I would find it very difficult to meditate in front of a mirror. I meditate in front of my shrine, and it always cheers me up to see the Buddhas illuminated by the candlelight. I’m looking forward to being Asian in future life and progressing on the path at the motherlode of Buddhism in Central Asia and India, so seeing a fat white guy meditating seems a little stuck in time for now. A moment in time in the flow of a river doesn’t matter much. Plus, whenever I look in the mirror I think “Why did I get tattoos?!?”
“And I looked at the crew standing around staring at him, silently, and we were all middle-aged women. Which means we had all spent a vastly disproportionate part of our lives being responsible for the cooking and cleaning already. And from the looks on many faces, being lectured about cooking and cleaning by some 20-something male was, um, pushing some buttons. Because of our gender role assignments, we had an entirely different relationship with household chores than he did. It might have been helpful if that difference had been recognized and acknowledged.”
Barbara,
Knowing your approximate age group (not out of line with mine), I can tell you that many American women of European descent in the Boomer generation probably did not spend a vastly disproportionate part of their lives doing all the cooking and cleaning; it certainly wasn’t the experience in my family – and my parents were of the older generation!
Moreover, for a 20-something male to actually appreciate cleaning, well that’s a rarity.
So from where I sit, it’s not surprising that he acknowledged something that pretty much wasn’t necessarily the norm by the ’70s, though I’m sure your experiences were that you did indeed do too much housework relative to others.
So I’m curious. How did you resolve your issues with this young man?
Sorry, I keep forgetting you live in an alternative universe. I never met anyone who used a cleaning service until I moved to the New York City area when I was in my 40s. Here the practice is found in some circles, but being of the Boomer generation has nothing whatsoever to do with that; it is more an ethnicity/income/class thing than an age thing. But the enormous majority of middle-aged and older American women, including us Boomers, across the country have spent a big chunk of our lives doing the cooking and cleaning. It’s part of the reality of the Female Experience, something about much there have been many sociological studies and much feminist commentary. The percentage of American women who are exceptions has got to be in the single digits.
I can’t believe anyone actually thinks the sentence above is true. Unreal.
We all let it go. It was sesshin.
Sorry, I keep forgetting you live in an alternative universe. I never met anyone who used a cleaning service until I moved to the New York City area when I was in my 40s.
LOL. Whaddaya mean cleaning service?. My parents had 6 kids, and at about when I was 11, my mother turned all our housework (except for some cooking) to us.
She didn’t actually stop washing clothes – she simply made every load done extra-hot with loads of bleach, so if we wanted our clothing in any way presentable, we’d have to do our own laundry.
Sorry, but your story simply was not mine, and it was not many others. I’m glad too; I’ve been self-sufficient since my teens, as far as that is concerned.
Good for her, but any woman who’s had six kids without a maid, cook and nanny put in more hours with the chores than you can imagine, even if she was able delegate eventually (for example, what was she up to before you turned 11?). You just don’t remember it. In my family my brother, my father and me all did housework and cooking, too. We were unusually egalitarian in that regard back in the 1950s. But that didn’t mean Ma (who had a full-time job as a nurse) was sitting around watching television.
You’re a male, right? Then — and I know this is going to be a shock — this is not about you. Do take whatever time you need to process that.
Ready to go on? OK. This is not about your experience. It’s about your mother’s experience, and she’s not here to speak for herself. If you are like most men of my generation, you have an endless capacity to be oblivious to what the womenfolk are up to, so your impressions and memories have no credibility with me. Sorry.
I’m well aware of what she was doing before she went back to work; when she did,
what was she up to before you turned 11?
Delegating chores as we were able.
If you are like most men of my generation, you have an endless capacity to be oblivious to what the womenfolk are up to, so your impressions and memories have no credibility with me. Sorry.
Look, you don’t really know my or my mother’s experience, and to make a generalization about “most men” of your generation is just that – a generalization. Furthermore, your experiences are not the fault of “most men.”
As I’m said, I’m sure your experience was what you experienced, but to take that and make a sweeping generalization about how others were, or how “society” is does not actually represent how things were. It does not capture my mother’s existence, nor my existence, nor, if surveys about these kinds of things are to be believed, much of America as it has been for a couple of decades, and which comports with my own experience.
I am a vociferous proponent of equal rights; as well as an opponent of misogyny and misanthropy.
I’m well aware of what she was doing before she went back to work; when she did,
Believe what you like, but you are clueless about the experience of most adult women in the U.S. today, never mind the 1970s. Ever hear of the “second shift”? See also “Chore Wars: Men, Women, and Housework.” It presents actual data that supports my position.
“The problem with making changes to the tradition is that the changes need to be made by people of spiritual maturity who’ve seen through most of those stubborn Western delusions. Otherwise we’ll end up with a practice that just reinforces those Western delusions” ….. And some of the above emails reinforce the previous statements. Why fight over someone making sweeping generalizations about men or women … almost all generalizations are wrong … I am certainly an exception .. i’m male and cook and clean (since a kid) … And Pete cooking and working with food is spiritual … even more so than chopping wood … (of course that is a generalization) food … take a life so you may give… recognition bowing understanding much comes from the kitchen.
the quote above I feel is the most important part of that entire message. (although I’ve been known to be wrong.)
Because the “sweeping generalizations” are about the way real people are living their lives, and some of you are oblivious to it. Since I’ve got the link handy, I’ll repeat it for you — “Chore Wars: Men, Women, and Housework.” This is not a small issue, and it’s not a sweeping generalization.
Hi, I have to say that in my experience of the last nearly fifty years, women make up the vast majority of doing cooking and cleaning. Even the women who work full time and have kids. I’m sure there are some exceptions, but this is my general observation. I pick up a little here, and wipe off a little there, but my roomates and I chip in to pay a ladyfriend to come over once a month and give the place a pretty good cleaning. It works for us, and works for her. It really makes a difference in the pleasantness of our abode.
Some of you people need to mediate in front of a mirror. Look into your own eyes while believing gibberish that there is no gender inequality-and that women don’t know it.
For a young male to lecture middle-aged (or any woman) women on the importance of cooking and cleaning is ludicrous.
I began my Zen Studies not to be an idiot, not to become one.
There are meditation practices within the Tibetan tradition that utilize mirrors — as a means of training in the understanding that the appearances of the phenomenal world are no more (or less!) “real” than the reflections in a mirror.
I don’t mean to offend anyone here…but I am also a middle aged woman who neither does much housework – and never has done ( my partners do it or it doesn’t get done…)nor saw my mother do a disproportionate share ( she worked; my grandmother lived w/ us and SHE did the housework – insisted on it)
Given that we have 2 respondants right here – I suspect the proportion is not quite so small as might be imagined….
Lily — There is a vast amount of research going back decades on this subject, and there is no disputing that the enormous majority of women put in more time in housework and cooking, especially if they are married. And for women who are middle aged and older, that’s a lot more time. So a few subjective opinions are irrelevant. One more time, the particular study I’ve been citing is from the National Science Foundation, but I’ve seen a lot of others that show the same results.
In 1976, women did an average of 26 hours of housework a week; men did six hours. Note that the story I told in the post happened about 20 years ago.
In 2005, women did an average of 17 hours of housework a week, and men did 13 hours, which is a big improvement.
However, that average doesn’t tell the whole story. Younger single women in 2005 did the least housework, about 12 hours a week on average, while married women in their 60s and 70s were still doing about 21 hours a week of housework. So women of that generation were still spending a disproportionate amount of time on the chores.
And here’s another interesting finding — Older men in the study did more housework than younger men, and single men in all age groups did more housework than married men. So even in 2005, after a couple married the wife started putting in more hours per week doing housework than before and the husband actually did less.
This may not be a big issue for you, but it’s a huge issue for a lot of women who are, it seems, still putting up with the discrepancy in silence. Your experience is exceptional, not standard.