I'm slowly recovering from a nasty upper respiratory infection, which means that my zazen has been punctuated with coughing and sniffling. One might think it was hardly worth sitting zazen at all.
But if there's one thing I've finally learned, it's to not judge whether a particular experience of meditation is "good" or "bad." We might always want to enter samadhi, but the fact is that even after years of sitting we sometimes find ourselves struggling with "monkey mind," not to mention discomfort or sleepiness.
But in some way I can't quite explain, it sometimes seems the "bad" meditation can be the "best" meditation.
There's a Japanese word, joriki, sometimes used in Zen. It is "mind power," or the power of concentration. Joriki is cultivated by dedicated daily meditation, something like the way a regular weight-lifting program builds muscle.
Joriki is not something that only happens during meditation. Yasutani Hakuun Roshi called it "a dynamic power that enables us even in the most sudden and unexpected situations to act instantly, without pausing to collect our wits, and in a manner wholly appropriate to the circumstances."
Doing your wholehearted best through a difficult sitting period cultivates that mind power. You may not feel it right away, or it may surprise you with an experience of deep clarity that comes "out of the blue." The point is to not feel frustrated when you struggle with meditation, or judge yourself to be a "bad" meditator. Just sit with whatever is there, and do your best.
Thank u,that helps a lot.I struggle often with meditation and your advice has eased my tent ion .
I also thank you for this article. I have been struggling quite a bit with staying on the cushion and an incredibly active monkey mind. I think the resistance I feel to doing my meditation comes from telling myself I am doing it wrong and that I am having “bad” meditations. Thanks for the reminder not to judge my sitting experiences, even if the monkey is active.
Early on I was told that it wasn’t the quality of meditation that was important it was the regularness of sitting that was important…”so if you don’t have time to sit just take 3 minutes..just sit for 3 minutes. Better three minutes every day than three hours once a month.” Monkey mind is present except when it isn’t and sitting for two minutes stretches to three and on to four and sometime later I bow and rise. Bows to you in your illness … we never can remember how bad we can feel when an illness is messing with our bodies and minds … welcome back… you ’sound’ better. gashho!
I do struggle with meditation. Though initially I had very good mediation experience, later on the “monkey mind ” troubles me a lot. However I continue to do meditation without giving much importance to it and without expectations.
Dear Barbara,
I have been practising Vipassana meditation for many years and fortunate to enjoy my sitting from 30 minutes to an hour everyday without disturbances from monkey mind. I kept a daily record (tabulated in Microsoft words) of my sitting duration clocked in and out every morning and night and have them reviewed from time to time on the progress. I also marked the timing of the sitting duration with colours – for example, above 30 minutes yellow, 40 minutes blue, 50 minutes green, 60 minutes brown and etc. Since then, I have not missed a single day not jotting down the sitting time. The practices of sitting and jotting down the time has become habitual that I have missed a single day sitting for many years. The effort has paid off and I enjoyed my Vipassana Meditation without any problem. There’s no struggling, no restlessness, not body aches and no hurry to finish the “job”. I only need to relax in the sitting and my tamed mind takes care of the rest. It’s like sitting on a boat and the water ferry you along a stream of clear water.
Correction:
“The practices of sitting and jotting down the time has become habitual that I have not missed a single day sitting since then.”
Dear M’am Barbara:
I really glad you’re getting better already!:-) Thanks again for this reminder. Let me try this again.
Thanks Barbara. Very nice article.