vijaygdhande@gmail.com
- practising chitanupasyana and dhammanupasyana anger can be nipped in the bud or eradicated totally.....
- —Guest vijay g. dhande, judge ,india, m.s. beed
I Need Any Assistance Possible w/Anger
- My husband abandoned our family 8 months ago to smoke crack (I used to do it too...but gave it up to be a good parent to our children (we have 3, the eldest is 11 and lives with my aunt)...He disappeared on me, our 4 year old daughter & 2 year old son...then went on a crack binge, detoxed and got his own apartment and completely abandoned us. I am trying not to be so angry about it all because I have an anger/rage problem that once caused me to be on probation for 3 years for physically attacking my eldest daughters father (we were never married though)...Now I try to accept that my husband is leading a selfish existence, but it hurts...He spends his money on drugs, clothes, and furnishing & maintaining his new apartment, and doesn't care at all what happens to his wife, or children...All the while telling his family that I am keeping him from his children (according to his sister)...This mess is causing me stomach pains, sleepless nights, and days when I just want to kill him..Help..
- —Guest crystal
Guest John
- Ratcheting up certain emotions can break them but some, like anger, aren't appropriate for that technique. A similar technique is to bring the anger to a certain level then break state and do this repeatedly. That may be a better way to blow this out for you..I don't know what might work for you so its only a suggestion. If you post your area I'll try to see if there might be someone that would have experience with these techniques close by if you would like me to. All the best.
- —Guest Rich
I agree
- Part 2 I know 3 things about anger. 1) Repressing it makes it stronger 2) Feeding it makes it stronger. 3) You have to face it full on. It's a part of you. Don't give into acting out anger. Try to sit calmly in meditation and beat anger with wisdom. It's not a magic bullet fix. Anger management is a process...and we all have to learn this process on our own. I sincerely wish you all success on your path to anger manangment...lord knows us rage aholics need all the help we can get!
- —Guest John
I agree
- Part 1 I've been suffering from an immense amount of rage off and on my whole life. Recently it has resurfaced with a vengence that has scared me. The other day as I sat in a meeting an instrusive thought about snapping my CEO's neck kept popping into my head. Thinking back to a recent therapy session I decided that instead of cowering from my anger I'd entertain the thought to the climatic conclusion...so I allowed myself to sit there and image breaking this man necks. I repeated this over and over and over...it never went away...it grew stronger.. I eventually stopped when my whole body flinched out of pure rage...if that man has been sitting next to me at that moment I wouldn't be here writing this to you.
- —Guest John
Anger and Passion
- I notice several people are pointing out the political actions of Buddhists (such as those protesting in Burma and Tibet) and touting these as examples of acting out of anger being a good thing. However, I would like to point out the difference between anger and passion. It is one thing to passionately protest against an injustice, such as those that are still happening in Tibet and Burma, but acting out of anger would be heedless and uncontrolled, and would result in mayhem, with the original point being forgotten. Instead, it is better to be mindful of your anger and control it the Buddhist way. When you are able to think objectively about the issue, you may find that you are still passionate about it, in which case you should do something about it. Just don't let the real issue be lost to an upsweeping of self-centred emotions.
- —JadaLouise
anger
- I have found the buddhist way of managing anger very appealing, because it saves me dealing with the emotion. I have been a master at saying the right chant, calming my emotions and breathing into them - or so I thought - for most of my life but all the while not even realising just how angry I was and its connection to a life-long pattern of self-harm. I know the buddhist approach is a tidy solution, but perhaps doing the mucky stuff - facing up to and expressing real emotions in real relationships is the thing that might save us at times. I have only just begun to connect with my anger and see it for what it really is - neither good nor bad, but in everyway an amazing resource of energy and potentially powerful force for change. I don't think I want to chant my way out of this realisation.
- —Guest alys
Great Responses!
- Flygirltwa, Kevin, Mori-(I haven't read all of them yet, because it's so much to take in), you have the basis for a great practice, Congratulations! I think we need more soldiers, more people who have had to struggle so hard like mori and flygirl and perhaps fewer smiley face nirvana junkies. JuBur, your top post concerns me. I'm a political junkie, forced back into that by the awful Bush years and that hard long campaign to end it, but at the end of the day I think we have just one flag to wave.
- —TFitz1017
Anger
- Much as I respect Tich Nhat Hanh, I too think that anger can be harmlessly discharged by directing it away from other living beings--shouting into the air, hitting a pillow, whatever. However, ideally anger energy should be turned into personal or political activism. This of course is not easy. It is sort of a ju jitsu move--take the bad energy and redirect it. I often think about the famous story of Hakuin and the samurai. He smiled in the face of the samurai's rage. But--who knows--perhaps the sage's first impulse was anger at the samurai, which was then promptly regenerated as a compassionate smile.
- —JuBuRs
Anger. Dead Ahead.
- The other day, I asked my wife what she thought about my intrest in learning and practicing Buddhism. She said that like all things I've ever had an intrest in, I'll obsess about it until someone pisses me off. She is so right. I tend to seek approval of others, which I've learned for me, is a form of greed. When I don't get the approval I was seeking, I get angry, feel hurt, rejected, and ruined. What I've also learned is that one needs to avoid situations that could give rise to anger. Water cooler discussions about current events or politics get your dander up? Don't go when the pundits are all standing there yakking it up! Obviously, we can't run around with blinders and our hands over our ears (La! La! La! - I'm not listening...), but we can make an effort to avoid scenarios that we know from experience feed the little beast in us. By changing some of our habits, we can break the "cause-and-ripple-effect" before it even starts.
- —midway199
I agree that anger is self-induced
- I used to get really angry by the noise caused by construction activities, especially when I am doing something important and I need to concentrate. However, after listening to a speaker, who share your beliefs, I started to question my anger. I asked myself, was the noise really that annoying, or did I choose to be be angry with the whole thing? The same speaker also mentioned that whatever you focus on expands. Hence I tried not to focus on the noise, but on my work instead. Strangely, the noise seem to decrease in volume till it became just some insignificant background sound. And I successfully finished my work. You may argue that it is all in my mind. Then again, isn't that the point?
- —Memento.Mori
Anger 101 and more
- I've spent my entire life being angry. I suppose one could call it Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. As a small child I was born into a family of anger, rage, depression and violence. Because of my anger, I have ruined some of the most important relationships in my life. I can at times have a mean spirit. At other times I am peaceful. I have learned that anger comes from real or imagined hurts, rejection, etc. The worst kind of anger for me, is the self hatred that I experience, when I allow my anger to take over my mind and body. The Buddhist way makes so much sense to me and I recognize that the Three Poisons are right on target. Anger distorts any positive outlook on life. Suicide is the result of a major temper tantrum which is anger turned against the self. For those of us who are ANGRY we have important lessons to learn. Hopefully we will not turn our angry against ourselves. It feels at times like the world is going to explode. May God help us all with this malady
- —FLYGIRLTWA
Always a challenge indeed.....
- For the past 19 years the military has trained me to channel my Anger to a single event that would produce an endstate not approved by any human being. My anger is what made me the best at what I do. But unbeknowst to me, I have been drowning in anger all these years and have never known peace of mind. The more I read about Buddhism, the more I want to learn because this IS the biggest issue in my life. And because of this, I have been in constant turmoil with myself and others. Opportunites were missed because of my anger issues as well as relationships. I have feed into my anger so many times to increase my focus not realizing that I am falling apart as a person. I didn't believe I would understand my anger until now. As I continue to serve in Iraq, I will continue to seek many of the teachings Buddhism offers so that I can understand more of letting go of my anger. Thank you. kevin
- —Guest kevin
Channeling the river of emotion
- I approach emotions as a river. The source of these rivers is often fundamental human instinct but they are given energy and direction by the Three Poisons. (Btw, I've never heard of anger being one of the Three, but rather as a by-product of attachment. I found that interesting to see here.) Rivers of emotion can also be intentionally channeled and their energy harnessed by mindfulness and entrusting in the The Jewels. More specifically, dealing with anger has been a life-long struggle for me. That river quickly flash-floods my thinking. I've learned to be mindful of that. First, I channel the current (in both senses of the word) anger momentum in harmless 'venting'. That diffuses the potential for damage and also holds it up separate from 'myself' to examine like Burroughs Naked Lunch metaphor. Then I'll take refuge in the Dharma by listening to the Amida Buddha's Light - asking which of the Three Poisons might be involved and examining lessons in the Right response.
- —Guest Todd
Anger = Hurt
- So if Anger is some thing that comes from us, and we can eliminate it, could we eliminate hurt too, due to the same reasons? Anger and Hurt are emotions, but personaly for me its easyer to understand and end my anger than to end my hurt because I think I have more reason and sometimes the right to feal hurt.
- —Guest Fox
